Entry 152

Omg, it's Lucien Lachance... iPod version. <3

The Sinking

I was so happy.

I fought so hard, and overcame my fears.

I did what I had to do. I got it done.

I felt so happy...

I flaunted my pride,

Continued on, like I always do.

But, like always, I felt that sinking feeling.

Depression. This is another last.

I'll add this day to my list of "last" things.

The end is so near; this finality is so striking.

It crashed down so hard over me

And I'm not prepared for it.

I'll never have that class again.

I'll never see those people again.

I'll never perform on this stage again.

I'll never be in a family like this one again.

I'll grow apart from everyone again.

I'll be "just another person" again.

I'll be forgotten again.

I'll be lost again.

I'll be alone again.

Alone.

How can I be happy when I'm going to be alone?

Why can I not stop thinking of lasts?

I want to be happy.

I want to see this as a good thing;

Something that moves me on to the next step of my life.

But I can't.

I see it as very sad.

I like where I am; I don't want it to chance.

I don't want it to end.

I don't want this to be a last.

And so I sink,

Deeper and deeper.

I've been alone before.

I've been lost before.

I've been "just another person" before.

I've grown apart from everyone before.

I can do it again.

I can be alone again.

I can be lost again.

I can do it all again, if it's the only option.

I sink, but sinking is what I have to do.

Don't pity me for sinking.

I don't want pity.

I want to sink.

"The Sinking," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, December 9th, 2011