Entry 085

I think I'm really going to die waiting.

Obsession to Impatience

At first I saw it as a rumor.

Then the rumors were confirmed.

Then I saw it as distant.

And then that distance became closer.

The arrival of something I really want

Is near;

I am not sure if it will be this month or the next,

And the unstable date of its arrival bothers me.

I was excited but not overly so at first,

And now waiting is killing me.

I want what I want,

And I want it now...

My obsession has turned into my impatience

And it's killing me.

"Obsession to Impatience," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 31st, 2011

Entry 084

Tara~

Making Plans

Sometimes, you need to force yourself to have a life

When you don't necessarily want one.

I love hanging out with my friends,

And just being myself around them,

So that would be the perfect start.

By making plans,

I might give my days purpose.

They may stop running together.

I'll find a way

To give each day something significant,

That makes it not just a day but the day,

And the summer will become better.

Making plans is the first step.

"Making Plans," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 30th, 2011

Entry 083

:3

Two Months From Today

Two months from this day,

Marks the day of my birth,

17 years later.

It doesn't seem like it will be.

It seems like I turned 16 only a few weeks ago.

The number still seems unnatural to me...

However, not as unnatural as 17.

It seems like the gap between 16 and 17

Is much more than a simple year.

At 17 you're so much closer to being an adult,

And yo have to prepare for those responsibilities.

I can't do it.

Two months from today will be a very sad day.

"Two Months From Today," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 29th, 2011

Entry 082

Griffin Friends!

Music

At times I feel like I'm surrounded by

The most beautiful music in the world,

And that it'll never get old.

These songs are the greatest ones I've ever heard

And I know nothing cold ever top them.

They never get tiring, no matter how many times I play them.

But these songs are also the saddest songs,

Not because of rhythm, but because

Nothing will ever be like it.

Nothing could ever be that great,

Sound like that,

Or be as exciting to me

Other than that song.

I listen to a song and love it,

And I want more.

But there is no more.

And while songs sound similar,

They aren't what I'm looking for.

They aren't the song.

Music is beautiful

But traps my life in an endless cycle

And a curse,

But it's addicting all the same.

"Music," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 28th, 2011

Entry 081

Baby Shire on Mabi. :D

Secrets, Never to be Told

Some secrets I have

Are never to be told,

Not even to the closest soul.

My friends would be mad,

But that's why it's a secret.

I don't need to tell anyone.

It doesn't affect their lives.

I just need to keep this place secret.

I need to preserve it as a place

Where I can be alone,

Without bothers,

Without stress or worries

Or work to do.

I need this secret

To remain the way it is.

The secret will never be told.

"Secrets, Never to be Told," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 27th, 2011

Entry 080

Twinearth from Mabinogi. And me.

Running Together

The summer days

Are hot and short,

Not long.

The days all run together.

No meaningful events happen

That distinguish one day from another.

They're all the same.

Wake up,

It's almost 11,

Do nothing of importance,

Play games,

Stay up late,

And sleep again.

These summer days just run together

And collide

And serve no purpose.

They have no meaning.

But they're summer days,

And were never meant to be useful.

"Running Together," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 26th, 2011

Entry 079

"Piplup," (c) Rebecca Grapentine via Mabinogi

The Plan

On top of my goal,

A plan was created.

I can get back to the way I was.

I may not have my exact materials again,

But I'mm be rich,

I'll be fancy,

I'll have everything I want again.

I'll sell,

He'll sell,

We'll split 50-50.

The plan is set.

During the day we work on our goal,

And overnight we sell, sell, sell.

In not too long

I'll be myself again.

"The Plan," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 25th, 2011

Entry 078

"Dead Standing," (c) Rebecca Grapentine via Mabinogi

Miss

I remember a time

From long ago

But close enough to remain fresh in my mind.

I was rich,

I was fancy,

I could afford to spend.

I had what I needed.

I was happy

And my wealth was growing.

There was a hiatus,

And I lost it all.

I didn't deserve that.

I worked hard for what I had.

I wish I still had it.

I miss my gifts from my friends,

My hard-earned, well-deserved money,

I miss my fancy clothes,

And I miss being rich enough

To go on 2 million gold shopping sprees.

I miss a lot of things.

But I'm still here.

My pets are still here.

My friends are still here,

And my skills are still here.

Only my materialistic things are gone.

And oh, how I do miss them so.

I miss them so much.

I want them back.

"Miss," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 24th, 2011

Entry 077

"Trade Window," (c) Rebecca Grapentine via Mabinogi

Progression

It's going as planned.

The first step is done!

It's coming alive.

We're progressing towards our goal,

Our sights locked on.

We're going to make it happen.

Don't say we can't.

I might get tired,

I might get annoyed sometimes,

But things are going great.

They're going to even end great.

The progression never stops.

"Progression," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 23rd, 2011

Entry 076

"Horses," (c) Rebecca Grapentine via Mabinogi

The Story

A spark.

An idea.

A nothing with the potential to be something.

All it needs is a little work,

And some people to put their heads together.

Then the idea can be put into place.

The story is coming alive.

The production is underway.

Our dream is coming true.

Watch us fulfill it.

Aren't we lucky?

"The Story," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 22nd, 2011

Entry 075

"Noob," (c) Rebecca Grapentine via Mabinogi

Repeat Discovery

I thought I wouldn't really care anymore.

I thought it was getting too old.

But I was wrong.

I'm there again for less than a minute

And I re-discover my obsession;

It fills my boredom

And my days with fun,

And I'm glad it's there.

I'm glad I've repeated my discovery

Of old,

And that it is now new.

I'm glad I have something to do.

I'm glad I have something at all.

I'm glad.

"Repeat Discovery," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 21st, 2011

Entry 074

"Cow Hats," (c) Rebecca Grapentine via Mabinogi

A Strange New Freedom

Time is all I have.

I have all the time in the world.

I could use it wisely,

But I'm not that smart.

I could make it useful,

But I'm too lazy.

I have this strange new freedom

To do whatever I want.

It makes me realize

That I don't really want that time.

I do so much that it gets boring.

I don't want to be bored

But I have all this free time.

I don't want to work in it,

That's boring.

I dont' want to spend all day

Doing what I want to do,

Because that's boring.

This strange new freedom

Is killing me.

"A Strange New Freedom," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 20th, 2011

Entry 073

Picture (c) Damnlol.com

Last

I can't help but think

Every time my mind is blank

About all the lasts today brings.

The last time I'll go here,

The last time I'll see them,

The last time I'll do this.

I hate the ending,

I hate lasts.

I can't wait for my new beginning.

"Last," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 19th, 2011

Entry 072

Credit given on picture. Put together by me.

Countdown

Time is slowing,

The end is approaching,

And I know I'm going to hate it.

I've already cried

And I'm not done yet.

Tomorrow will be the worst of all.

I can only count down until these events

Take place, and I am unable to control them.

So I'm approaching the end,

And I guess it'll be goodbye.

"Countdown," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 18th, 2011

Entry 071

Picture (c) Google

I Wish

I have dreams.

I dream a new dream every day.

I wish my dreams could be a reality,

But they're too illogical for real life.

I want to be a witch like Beatrice,

Or a Magical Girl like Madoka.

I want to be an alien like Erio,

Or a wolf like Toboe.

I want to be an Alchemist like Roy Mustang,

Or a Firebender like Zuko.

I'd like to be a Pokemon trainer like Ash,

Or a member of the Zodiac like Shigure.

I have dreams.

I wish I could be a lot of things.

But they can't come true.

"I Wish," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 17th, 2011

Entry 070

Picture (c) Rebecca Grapentine, 2009

I Hate Change

I get so used to what's going on now

And I accept it

As a constant in my life,

But then change comes around

And tears it all down

And destroys it,

Rips it apart

And shreds it to pieces,

And makes everything different.

It pulls me out of my newfound comfort zone

And sticks me into something new,

And I hate the new.

I hate change.

I'd rather stay in my peaceful, comfortably

Happy place where I know what's going on!

I don't want things to change

That are out of my control

And I don't give a damn how childish it is,

I hate it and I have my reasons for it.

First change took my friend away,

Then change took my life

That I finally decided I liked

And is beginning to rip my friends away from me again,

And it won't let me keep them.

Half of the world is growing up,

And the other half is stuck where I am,

Together for now, but we know

That soon enough we'll be part of the upper half

And grow apart

And change,

So why are we forced to be tortured like this?

Why stabilize yourself in one area when it's just going to change?

Why do anything?

"I Hate Change," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 16th, 2011

Entry 069

Picture (c) Rebecca Grapentine

Ambush

It may not be real,

But it's fun.

Except for the ambush part.

They swarm in in large mobs,

And although I can take care of it all,

It's irritating.

It's minimal-stress,

But stress nonetheless.

I'd rather do without it,

But I have to take care of it

So that's just what I'll do.

"Ambush," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 15th, 2011

Entry 068

Picture (c) Rebecca Grapentine

Hobbies

I don't just choose one.

I move back and forth,

I forget about one,

Move on to the next,

Leave that one,

And one day find the first again.

Sometimes I find completely new ones to throw into the mix.

How nostalgic, the effect it has on my life!

Games I still love that are now considered old,

But are still new and fresh in my heart,

As they once were.

Things that are new that I love now

Will become old,

And give me that nostalgia, too.

But not yet.

Hobbies are complicated

And frustrating sometimes,

But they bring joy to our lives.

I'm glad that they're there.

"Hobbies," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 14th, 2011

Entry 067

Picture (c) Google

Lucky Day

Friday the 13th--

People say it's bad luck.

It's superstition that's bad luck.

The 13th is my lucky day.

I walked away right before disaster struck where I once sat,

I was released early and able to stand in front of the line

That otherwise would have been hectic.

Why do people think the 13th is unlucky?

I've had a fairly better day than normal.

"Lucky Day," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 13th, 2011

Entry 066

Picture (c) Google

Near The End

I can't really believe that the end is coming.

I know that it is,

And I accept that.

But the idea of having all this time

For absolutely nothing

Overwhelms me and confuses me

So that I find it hard to believe that the end is coming.

We are near the end, aren't we?

Are we really?

I don't like the end.

It makes me sad,

And I feel lonely.

I don't want us to be near the end.

"Near the End," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 12th, 2011

Entry 065

Picture (c) Google

Compliment

I don't know how to take a compliment.

I've never needed to before.

I'm not sure how to react.

I feel corny when I say thank you and smile.

But I still like compliments.

I'm really glad I got a compliment

From someone hard to please.

That makes me feel accomplished.

Especially when the compliment

Is over something I'm proud of;

Something I created with my own two hands.

So I may not know how,

But I'll accept your compliment

And I won't ask questions.

Thank you!

"Compliment," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 11th, 2011

Entry 064

A baby dinosaur drawn for me, (c) Kate Grapentine.

Absolutely Nothing

It's the end of the day.

There's no more work to do.

No more people to deal with,

No more projects to worry about,

And absolutely nothing left

To procrastinate on.

Life is great

When there's absolutely nothing to do.

Boring is better than overwhelmed.

I'll just kick back,

Relax,

And do what I want to do for once.

I'll think about baby dinosaurs and unicorns,

Escape into my own world,

And just have fun.

"Absolutely Nothing," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, May 10th, 2011