Entry 050

Picture (c) Google under the search "Abstract"

The Change

I remember the days when we were the same.

We were together all the time.

Nothing could separate us, no matter what.

We were best friends,

With no doubts in our minds

That we would would die for each other

Without a second thought.

Those were the days.

Every day, we were together.

God only knows what redundant things we did.

I would remember, but my memory is bad thanks to you.

You might remember, but you've moved on.

I miss the days when we were together.

You started to drift away.

I tried to hold on the the old you,

But you slipped through my fingers.

You moved on,

You changed,

You became a whole different person.

I don't know you anymore.

I only know the old you.

The old you, who I'm still holding on to.

I'm latched onto a ghost.

The ghost of someone from a memory,

Someone who no longer exists.

You changed.

You pretended to be sad at first,

That you had to go.

And then you lied to me,

While I was trying to keep us together.

And I believed you.

What I damn fool I was to believe you.

Even now, years later,

When we have almost nothing to do with each other anymore,

I want to believe you.

I want to hold on to the old you.

I don't want to admit that you've changed,

And I hate change;

You made me hate change.

You walked into my life.

You befriended me.

You got me to put all my trust in you.

To believe in you.

Then you left.

You stopped talking to me, except for the occasional hello.

You turned me into who I am now.

I am a hater of change,

I am the rejecter of the new.

I am the broken,

I am the one afraid to trust,

I am the one afraid to be hurt again,

I am the one who hates you

Because of everything you've done to me,

Every tear I cried,

Every breakdown I went through

Was for you,

Because I missed our friendship.

I missed the days where we hung out and were together,

And you forgot about me,

You replaced me,

And there's nothing more fucking AWFUL than being replaced!

I don't know anymore.

I don't want to open myself up anymore.

It's painful.

You left me broken,

And now you torture me.

Every day,

I see your face somewhere,

Smiling,

Laughing,

Loving,

Hugging,

Being yourself,

Your new self,

And I am totally forgotten by you.

I hate you.

I hate you,

I can't forget about you.

I can't deal with your torture.

I can't handle change,

Or trust,

Nor can I forget what you did to me.

It's a wound that will NEVER heal.

I hope you find out.

I can't tell you, I don't know why.

But I hope you realize how I really feel.

And I hope it fucking hurts.

"The Change," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, April 26th, 2011