Entry 052

Picture (c) Google

This Side of Myself

We say that the one who knows the most about us

Is ourselves;

That we know everything about ourselves.

But we don't.

We discover things about us that we never knew before.

Whether it's completely new or

The realization of something old,

It doesn't matter.

We didn't know about it before,

And we're still discovering ourselves.

I never cared about having a family.

I'm content with where I am,

And have decided to be peacefully alone

Or with my friends in the future,

But never with a family.

I still am that way.

I never wanted love,

I don't want to get married or have kids.

People think I'm crazy,

But that's because that's there dream.

Don't try to force your dreams upon me.

I'm not strange; it's just what I want.

I think life would be more serene without them.

More calm, and that's all that I want.

Calm.

I knew I'd never have

A motherly side because of this.

I don't have that kind of weird mental connection;

I don't even want children.

But this is where I discover this side of myself.

When I see them in an accident,

Their blood all over the streets,

Yet they're alive and screaming

Innocent phrases; "It hurts!"

I hear them cry. They scream,

I start to panic.

I hate the sound of their screaming.

"It hurts!" A long terrified scream follows

And I watch the screen in horror.

My throat closes up

And I want to cry.

I want to help them.

They aren't just a character,

They were real people,

And I know this film is supposed to be a lesson,

It's not supposed to scare me,

But it does. It scars me.

I can't stand a child getting hurt.

I don't want kids,

Yet I care so much about them...

It's kind of strange.

Maybe I am strange after all.

"This Side of Myself," (c) Rebecca Grapentine, April 28th, 2011